Wiggle Room: Building Trust With Your Child Through Freedom Of Choice

As the world entered a global pandemic, so did all of our schedules with our children’s schools, whether delayed, canceled, or scheduled online. This creates uncertainty and loss of control, scheduling issues, and complex limitations for both our children and ourselves as parents. Power struggles between adults and children are inevitable. As an educator and caretaker, I’ve seen adults struggle with scheduling and balancing their schedules with their children. Building trust with children during these trying times gives you accountability and power of control to your child through freedom of choice by adult moderation. Sometimes, we need to be decisive, and by providing options to children through Wiggle Room, we create and build positive reinforcement by offering children choices instead of top-down authority without opportunities. Children are naturally curious; by giving them options, you’re helping them build compare and contrast skills through freedom of choice, benefitting your relationship to reduce negative issues that arise from demanding them to do what you just want for them. Compassion and empathy towards our children can be challenging during high-stress decision-making time, as long as we provide peace. Still, stern freedom of choice, your child’s emotional power will be much more content once given options.

Read more below, as I give examples and solutions of how we can incorporate more productivity through freedom of choice and moderated power of control.

Examples. 

”If you don’t put on your shoes, we will not be going to the park.”

“Let’s put on your shoes, and THEN we can go to the park.”

“Well, you are yelling at me, so go to your room until you speak to me better.”

“I hear/see that you are angry, can you show/tell me what you are mad about?” 

“Nope, you said you wanted the blue cup with milk, so here you go.” 

“Oh, you wanted the pink cup instead? I change my mind too sometimes. If you don’t have any pink cups left, ASK “What’s the next color you want? I don’t have that color anymore.”

Solution.

We can change the child’s emotional situation by showing children flexibility instead of creating power control. 

When we can’t change the situation

Sometimes, we can’t change the situation depending on physical items or specific times. 

Examples. 

The child has two dresses on-hand but wants to wear a t-shirt and shorts. My state of emotions are calm, and my verbal tone is kind and warm:

“I’m sorry we don’t have those options. I have a blue dress or a pink dress right now. When we get back home, we can change into the other outfit you want. 

Child: “Nooo, I want my shirt and shorts.” 

“I know you do, and I hear you, but sadly these are your only two options, or you can go home with your bathing suit. But again, this is your choice.” 

Child: “Nooo, I want my other outfit.” 

“I am sorry that I didn’t realize you wanted that outfit after the pool. We can change your outfit when we get home. Here is your choices; blue or pink dress; I will wait so that you can think.” 

Solution. 

Wiggle Room. Validation and positive reinforcement allow children to use their power of control to select options. Sometimes, we don’t give the child options, which leads to rebellious actions. When we offer the child options, we create a wiggle room. 

Here’s another Wiggle Room example. 

“I’m sorry, Mommy/Daddy (or Teacher/Caregiver),”

“Does not have this/that choice,”

“We need to be here/there or wear this/that.”

Whether it’s soccer or softball practice, doctor or dentist, t-shirt, or dress, children love being involved and given options to choose. Children are naturally curious, we need children to trust their parent/caregiver, and the perfect way of doing so is giving wiggle room or options. 

Here are some last steps to reinforce this point. 

• Understand your child 

• Develop a virtual chart/ sand timer and verbal cues 

• Use care and compassion when conversing

• Engage him/her/them. Children love being involved.

• Give the power of control through options

• Break down challenging objectives into simple solutions that your child will understand 

• Patience is a virtue 

Sunshine Through Motion works with children, parents, caregivers, and teachers. We develop and implement strategies to address behavioral & emotional concerns that can affect school performance or social behaviors in and outside of the home. If you’d like to know and learn more - contact Michele Aloisio.